When it comes to my LO, every day is different. Bean changes so often that my ability to predict what tomorrow would look like is trumped by her not knowing what she's doing. This unpredictable life leads me to bargain with her about what I would like to happen, even though I know that it is pointless to negotiate with an infant. At five months, I thought I would have the time pegged. I don't know how working mothers return to work, when at 4 or 5 months babies through you for a loop with sleep regression, attachment, and recognition.
Late last month, I started working again. Nothing full-time, but it does require that my brain function in the morning, and that I have had some rest. But Baby Bean hit that 4 to 5 month sleep regression, and I was up every couple of hours feeding and trying to get her to sleep. It was like month 1, all over again. Only I didn't have my mother to help.
While there are books out there that can help you prepare, one tends to find themselves in one of two categories. Either you have too much information and thus overprepared, missing the simple signs. Or you are waiting to find out what to research, and you get the news late. No matter which way you try, you are always a step behind your baby.
My LO is six months now, oh how the time flies. And I still can't find the time to do anything productive for me. I find myself in those cases where I have a moment to myself going, what should I do now. Should I plan, clean, sleep, write, read, grade, or watch some tv? Each moment varies, but I am almost guaranteed that she wakes up just when I have begun.
For the last month, I've been unpacking into our new apartment (yes, a lot has happened). And so I've been using the time I have to get us settled. Now that I'm down to a few boxes, I'm not sure what next to do.
Life with a baby is ever-changing. I want to wait to see what my LO has in store for me, but I also need to get my work done.
LO got a cold last week. She has two baby teeth. She is crawling. She wants to eat. All these things weren't happening a couple of weeks ago. And while they gradually presented themselves, it feels like I can't remember a time when these things weren't the case. She has discovered how to protest her car seat. When she cries, she can cry for long periods. She wakes up at 6:00 a.m.
My hubby goes to work every day, and when he comes home, he's fascinated by new things. My fascination period is much shorter because I'm with her most of the time. And I'm just trying to keep up. I celebrate her achievements, and they are many. She's new here. But in that same breathe, I feel like I'm unable to keep pace and keep myself together.
It's funny though, as I talk about it, as I think about it, I should be depressed. But as stressed as I am, in the moments I'm not. I'm just tired. And I think that's what gets some people. The ever-changing life of a baby is overwhelming. And all you need is to recharge. My birthday is coming up, and I have a getaway trip planned too. I'm hoping to get that opportunity to recharge and reset my body so that I can keep up with my LO.
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